Keanu Reeves Refuses to Present Whoopi Goldberg’s Lifetime Achievement Award: “She’s Not a Good Person”

Keanu Reeves is one of the nicest, most genuine people in Hollywood. Whoopi Goldberg, on the other hand, was recently voted “most hated person” in Tinsel Town, a distinction nobody seems to be able to refute.

Reeves was chosen to present this year’s Lifetime Achievement award by the TV Production Committee, a role he was honored to take on…until he heard that he’d have to share the stage and present the award to Whoopi Goldberg.

“She’s not a nice person,” said Reeves in a voice that almost sounded like he was addressing Rufus outside the Circle K, “I don’t want to be remembered as the guy who made that mistake.”

Justin Timberlake, Wynona Ryder, and Gloria Estefan also declined. They’re still waiting to hear back from Jackie and Kelso, who desperately need something different to happen in their lives, but nobody seems to be able to find them.

“We believe those two are probably in a ravine somewhere after losing their social media following to the worst apology video ever recorded,” said Ravine Captain Joe Barron of the 136th Marine Paralegal Unit, “We’re just gonna start here in LA and go from ravine to ravine until we find them.”

Others believe that they may also be in a shallower thing, such as a ditch or even a puddle, but everyone agrees they are likely dead from embarrassment, joining their careers. Topher Grace was unavailable for comment, once again leaving his dignity intact.

Reeves said there’s no way he’ll change his mind, no matter how dumb the story gets. God Bless America.

Related Posts

WORLD OF POPPY BUDS!

Poppy plants are one of the most interesting things in nature. They are known for their gentle beauty and important meanings. The fully grown flowers of poppies…

Found in forest in Sweden, about 1m from ground, roughly 20cm in size. Hard to the touch…

Found in forest in Sweden, about 1m from ground, roughly 20cm in size. Hard to the touch…

Instead of sharing Waterton Lakes National Park pictures, here are three shots from July 23, 2015, taken during a botanizing trip to Darryl Teskey’s acreage southwest of…

Quaker Oats Brings Back Aunt Jemima Amid Customer Outcry: „You Asked, We Listened”

Quaker Oats Brings Back Aunt Jemima Amid Customer Outcry: „You Asked, We Listened”

In a surprising turn of events, Quaker Oats has decided to bring back Aunt Jemima, the iconic brand that the company retired in 2020 to address concerns…

Why You Should Never Get Up To Pee

Why You Should Never Get Up To Pee

What part does the pelvic floor play in your pre-bedtime and sleeping habits? Not by much, but I swear I’ll find the connection.I teach that having to…

Super-Fit Grandma Inundated by Younger Suitors

Meet Charlene Farnsworth, the super-fit 52-year-old grandma with 218 Instagram followers. She spends half her time flaunting her toned physique in bikinis and the other half at…

Whoopi Goldberg Has On-Air Meltdown, Calls Elon A “Crook”

  In a spectacle typical of far-left punditry, Whoopi Goldberg unleashed her latest tirade during the October 21 episode of ABC’s “The View,” targeting none other than…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *