Oliver Anthony Breaks Taylor Swift’s Concert Attendance Record “Without Even Trying”

Step aside, Taylor Swift. There’s a new game in town and his name is Oliver Anthony. Anthony’s latest concert, which was unannounced until the day before, more than doubled any of the attendance records set by Taylor Swift’s overrated “Eras Tour.”

“It was amazing,” said concert promoter Joe Barron, “We went from Ted Nugent and the Chili Cookoff on Saturday to nearly a million people in and around the fairground on Sunday. Ted was honored to be part of it, albeit a little embarrassed.”

“I just want to thank Ted Nugent,” Anthony told the crowd, “Had he not recommended I come, none of you would have gotten to taste his award-winning canned whitetail chili.” Anthony then said a prayer, read from Ezekiel 7, and played both of his songs.

The crowd hadn’t considered how to get out, and local authorities believe some may be stuck near the center of the event for weeks or even months. “With winter coming,” said ALLOD Journalisticator Tara Newhole, “They may have to airdrop supplies to these morons.”

Newhole reports that she hasn’t seen that many overalls since Sacha Baron Cohen got all the bumpkins to sing “Wuhan Flu.”

Anthony, who remains smack-dab in the middle of the whole thing, has seized control of the situation, declared martial law, and suspended all food stamps to those who could feed themselves if they weren’t running out of food and moving on to some Mad Max hellscape fairly soon.

Our prayers go out that at least a few make it out safely to tell the story to our children’s grandchildren, patriots. As always, God Bless America.

Related Posts

Breakiпg News: Keviп Costпer Refυses to Share Stage with Whoopi Goldberg at the Oscars-nhuy

Breakiпg News: Keviп Costпer Refυses to Share Stage with Whoopi Goldberg at the Oscars-nhuy

In an unforeseen development at this year’s Oscars, Hollywood icon Kevin Costner has garnered attention for all the wrong reasons. The actor, celebrated for his memorable performances…

Breaking News: Elon Musk Publicly Confronts Robert De Niro, Tells Him “Get Outta Here, You Woke Creepy Baby” vannguyen

Breaking News: Elon Musk Publicly Confronts Robert De Niro, Tells Him “Get Outta Here, You Woke Creepy Baby” vannguyen

Eloп Mυsk, the tech mogυl aпd CEO of SpaceX aпd Tesla, has beeп kпowп for his oυtspokeп persoпality aпd coпtroversial statemeпts. Receпtly, he foυпd himself iп the…

Breaking new: Elon Musk Takes Bold Move: Launches Public Campaign to Shut Down ‘The View,’ Rallying Support to End the Controversial Show Once and for All.

Breaking new: Elon Musk Takes Bold Move: Launches Public Campaign to Shut Down ‘The View,’ Rallying Support to End the Controversial Show Once and for All.

Eloп Mυsk, the tech mogυl kпowп for his aυdacioυs iппovatioпs aпd υпfiltered opiпioпs, has laυпched a pυblic campaigп to eпd the loпg-rυппiпg daytime talk show The View….

Coach Andy Reid Bans Travis Kelce for Two Games Next Season for Kneeling During Christmas Day Game: ‘We Must Stop This Nonsense’

Coach Andy Reid Bans Travis Kelce for Two Games Next Season for Kneeling During Christmas Day Game: ‘We Must Stop This Nonsense’

In a surprising move following the Christmas Day game between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Pittsburgh Steelers, Chiefs head coach Andy Reid announced a two-game suspension…

Elon Musk to Purchase CBS After January 20th, Vows to Remove Wokeness from the Network

Elon Musk to Purchase CBS After January 20th, Vows to Remove Wokeness from the Network

Elon Musk, the billionaire entrepreneur behind Tesla and SpaceX, has made headlines with his intention to acquire CBS, one of the leading television networks in the U.S.,…

Homeless Old Man Helps Elon Musk, Next Day He Gets The Sh0ck Of His Life!

The streets of Saп Fraпcisco were chilly iп December. Tom Wilsoп, 73, wrapped iп his thiп, worп jacket, пavigated the city as he had for the past…