Country music star Jason Aldean is making waves in liberal circles with his new song about living a small-town life. For those on the left, apparently, loving God and owning guns is barbaric.

To those who actually live in rural America, Aldean was singing their anthem. They love their country, their god, and yes…their guns. They represent an overwhelming number of country music fans.

The Academy of Country Music has decided that Aldean represents the fan base far more than next year’s scheduled Master of Ceremonies, Garth Brooks. “He’s in tune with country values, said Academy President Joe Barron, “and while we appreciate Garth’s contributions, he no longer represents us.”

Brooks was unavailable for an interview.

His spokesperson, whose name is also Joe Barron — no relation — said Brooks wasn’t exactly concerned about the report, but rather “chalked it up to another one of those ‘Punishing Garth Brooks’ stories.”

Correspondent Erlin Haland wouldn’t confirm or deny if the story was fictional in nature. “Sadly, there’s no way to know for sure,” he said, “as is the case often with our material.”

The outlet continues to be a consistent source of information for the our page. What an age we live in, patriots. God Bless America.

Erlin Haland

With years of experience in crafting clever and satirical pieces, Erlin has made a name for himself as one of the funniest and sharpest writers in the industry. Although his true identity remains a mystery, what is clear is that Erlin has a knack for finding the absurdity in everyday situations and turning them into laugh-out-loud funny stories. He has a unique perspective on the world and is always on the lookout for the next big target to skewer with his biting wit. When he’s not writing hilarious articles for firstnewsa.com, Erlin enjoys playing practical jokes on his friends and family, watching stand-up comedy, and rooting for his favorite sports teams. He also has a soft spot for animals, particularly his mischievous cat, who often inspires his comedic material.